Saturday, September 1, 2012

"I Hate This Cover of the Month", September, 2012

Storm (Elemental, #1)Spark (Elemental, #2)

Wow, um, these covers don't scream Young Adult book at me. It kind of says that these guys are coming to throw a G-string in my face. After I've shoved some filthy lucre into their...something. It looks like they're a few strippers short of taking this show on the road:

Plus, whenever I see these covers, I go to the bad place. Well, the Bad Place #107, where this song is playing on an endless loop and I'm afraid to sit anywhere, and I'm looking for my wipes/alcohol hand sanitizer. And hoping the sticky stuff I just got on my hand was gum.

Oh, the next reason why these books are my "I Hate This Cover of the Month" will be brought to you by Anderson Cooper. Because someone's nipple (and I'm looking at you, dude, standing towards the front of the cover) just poked me in the eye.
This is Anderson Cooper. Reporting from Shay's blog. I have a serious issue to deal with today. One that's close to my heart. Literally, because this "gang" of teenaged boys have hijacked my signature look shown above. First, I sometimes need to go casual. And thank you, I know I look good for a man of my age. But I don't work out for vanity's sake. I dress like this and look like this because I never know when I might need to lend a helping hand to earthquake victims or run from gun-toting rebels. When these things happen, I turn to my casual wardrobe closet and grab a t-shirt and jeans. My look says, "I sometimes need to get my hands dirty, to bring you- my viewers- the truth through feet on the ground reporting." Little boys on the book cover...Your look says, "I watch too much Jersey Shore."
Second, I interview world leaders. I travel around the world for my stories. I know the name of the capital city of any country you could name. Try me. "What's the capital of Ethiopia?" Addis Ababa. I've even been there. I can pronounce "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" correctly. (The President of Iran, in case you didn't know. Who, by the way, I interviewed.) So, when I wear a nipple-T, it says, "I sometimes need to relax after a hard day of travelling through the hills of Afghanistan or crawling through rubble." It says, "I'm smart and sensitive, yet I also relate to the common man." When you do it, boys? It says, "I like to buy clothes that come in 3 packs".

I'd like to wrap up this segment by stating, "I know fashion." My mother- Gloria Vanderbilt- was a fashion icon. Not only that, but your mother or maybe even grandmother, probably had my mom's signature on her butt. Yes, that Gloria Vanderbilt whose name has graced many a pair of jeans. I'd dare say millions of pairs. See...I own my own suits and tuxedos (designer, of course) . I have the phone numbers of world famous fashion designers on my cell phone. So when I wear a t-shirt, I'm making a fashion statement. It says, "I'm comfortable in my own skin." When you do it, little boys? It says, "I picked this t-shirt off my floor. It passed the smell test. I put it on." In any case, I respectfully ask that you cease and desist from using my signature look. Coming up next on this blog, the announcement of the runner up in the "I Hate This Cover" of the Month. Back to you, Shay. If your eye is okay. Which I hope it is...

Yes, Anderson. Thank you for covering for me while I iced my eye. The runner-up for this month's "I Hate This Cover" is:

With a slight change of wardrobe and other little tweaks, these books from the same series have managed to sweep even the runner up spot from their competition. I mean, is it me, or is this song going through your head?

Well, if the song wasn't going through your head before, I bet it is now. Which is only fair because I've been humming, or saying this under my breath, "Rico...Suave..." for weeks. And that's why these books are the runners up for September's "I Hate This Cover" of the Month. I think we must now take a respectful pause because this is unprecedented. An author and series has swept the top and runner up spots in the "I Hate This Cover" Awards. 

The Hate Mail Avoidance Section: If you are a rabid fan of this series or are new to my blog, please understand that I'm not attacking the author. That what I'm trying to get at is that a bad and/or cheesy cover can make some people- like me- put books like this on a mental "Books I Won't Read" list. At least until someone writes a post or review about the book and you think, "Wow, that book sounds interesting!!!" Pretty much every book that has been an "I Hate This Cover" of the Month "winner" is a book that I overlooked because I hated the cover, but now plan to read. After another blogger mentioned/reviewed the book and made it sound interesting or great. If you still plan on sending hate mail about this post...send it to Anderson. "Meow", that was catty, Coop!

Update: I actually started the first book in the series as I was writing this post. It's already done and it was good.


  1. Hahahaha! You have no idea how hard I just laughed at your post. Thanks for making my day! :)

  2. Lol! And I agree I liked Storm, but the guys look like strippers on those covers :D

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I am rolling on the floor laughing! That is freakin' hilarious!I so agree with you!
    Thanks for the laugh!
    Michelle @ Mom With A Kindle

  5. It's like 7 am on a Sunday, I shouldn't even be awake. I think I woke my family laughing at this. Seriously, what is it with those covers? "I think we must now take respectable pause", ha ha :D
    You know, I'd seriously put Elemental on top of the list. Awkward cover. Very...awkward. Is it me or does the guy look like a vulnerable damsel running from a wicked stepmom?

  6. So I wasn't the only one bothered by the nipple. :P
    But I did like the books though. Storm was good and I enjoyed Spark even more!

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  8. I've just installed iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.


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